


Serendipity

by Azusa06



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Umino Iruka, Community: kakairu, Community: kakairu_fest, Community: kakairu_kink, Declarations Of Love, Drama & Romance, Fluff and Angst, Kakashi Hatake - AU, M/M, Secrets, Their Love Is So, Top Hatake Kakashi, Tragic Romance, Umino Iruka - AU, Worth It, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:00:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29558097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azusa06/pseuds/Azusa06
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Kakairu / Irukaka
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

_**IRUKA UMINO** _  
  


December raining night.

The report said a low pressure area was detected but the city was almost in flood. The streets during day and tonight aren't as bustling as it always would be. It wasn't a strong windy rain but it never stops to fall. I walk my way home through the sky walk since I find it hard to call for a cab.

In front of my apartment.  
The lights are off inside so I'd concluded that he isn't home...

I look at my watch and saw it's almost midnight.

Where is he now?

That fifteen minutes walk got me trembling from the heavy coldness of the nonstop rain. I immediately went inside, put my umbrella and wet boots in the side together with my coat in the laundry bag.

From the darkness, I clamped to the wall of the narrowed hallway directing to the living room of my apartment.

Blindly and slowly walking to the dark until I flinched from hearing gasps.

Frozen. I felt like a bucket of cold water was splashed onto me. I covered my mouth, stilling myself. I prevent to say anything nor move an inch.

I heard it clearly. The sound of gasps and moans of two people while the sofa manifested a light creaking noise.  
They are making out.

" Leave... .. "   
I uttered with all the courage and force I could muster but all from the pain and heaviness of my heart, I had uttered it softly yet I'm glad to have not a broken voice. I can't have him noticed that it hurts, that it pains me more than he could imagine.

Not expecting for a reply, I hurriedly entered my room which is already close to me after I recognized them. I heard a scrabbling noise and not for long as it subsided. Silence reigned.

My wholesome fell immediately to the floor after I entered my room. My tears won't cease from flooding. My heart was likely clenched by huge and ruthless hands, preventing me to breathe. I covered my mouth, not letting some sounds of crying to resonate.

No, I can't let him know that it hurts like hell, I'd rather die. I won't make a sound. I won't let him know, I'll preserve what little pride I have.

" Hey, you didn't told me that you're living with someone here! I'm glad he didn't turn the lights on or it'll be so embarrassing! Hahaha~ well then, see ya next time Kakashi~ "  
Hearing the playful voice of a woman added more misery to my crumbling heart.

I hugged myself from the coldness, my heart was void of nothing but pain.

But even afterall that repeated infidelity, I still can't bring myself to let him go...

I love him stupidly.

We are living together for three years.  
We are happy at first, we overcome the ups and downs of our relationship until to the second year, I became a coward and lost all of my hope. I cling unto him like he was the only reason I have...

I realized late but our relationship turned out awful for the both of us, it was my fault.

Everyday after that, I prepare myself to the scenario that he may come to me and tell me to break up with him but until now, unfortunately he still didn't bring the matter up. And I wish solely from above that he'll never do it...  
I cling to the little hope that he's staying with me out of his little respect for me, that he's only waiting for me to be the one to let him go.

And I can't. I just cant.

This transition of our relationship has been going on for years.  
To see someone you love make love with someone else. I lost count of the times how I caught him flirting and making out with anyone.

I wanna thrash everything, shout to his face and ask him why he's done that to me, I would do that if I know too well that I'm not at fault, that I didn't gave him reasons to do that.

Who am I to question him?  
I don't even know if he still has atleast a little bit of love towards me.

His love was gone.  
My heart clenched more tightly from the thoughts.  
It's hard to breathe...

..............................

**(** **TBC** **)**


	2. Chapter 2

(2)

Warmth. I opened my eyes and got blinded by the fluorescent light, I blinked a couple of times. I was about to move my hand to scratch my eyes but I was rendered not to because I was tightly locked by an embrace.

I turn to the side and closely, almost kissing the tip of his nose. His visage is too peaceful and I was more secured by his arms. I felt like some precious gem that he'd never let go from holding, from keeping.

Looking at him, scrutinizing every features of his face. It only gives me more resolve to hold him longer, to never let him go.

I embraced back, I felt he snuggled more closely and I felt his heartbeat likely beating for me.

" Can we s-stay like this forever...? "   
I whispered as my tear fell once more.

Ridiculous. Wishing for something impossible. I'm reminded of the uncountable times he's slept and flirt with anyone.

I should wake up from the fact that his love has been gone long ago.   
It's getting harder to breathe so I tried hard to escape from his warmth and slowly get up----but was immediately pulled by him to lie again to the bed.

" Where are you going, Iruka.."   
He uttered with closed eyes. He's half asleep.

I remained silent.   
I waited until his grasp from my arm loosened, I gently pulled my arm away and his eyes opened.

I looked away.   
He got up, scratched his hair then asked me,

" I asked you, where are you going..hmm? "

" I'll shower. "

" I already wiped you clean and changed you to your pajamas. You must be tired, you didn't noticed. "   
He said as he beckoned and pulled me close to him.

" N-no.. I'm going out.. I mean, to the kitchen.."   
I insisted but he only tightened his embraced and we lie to the bed again.

" Let's sleep more. "

" No."   
I forcefully get up. And he got up too.   
I scrabbled quick to stand but he's way quicker in pulling me again, he's leaning close to my face.

" No. " I expressed once more as I covered his mouth that's about to kiss me.

I hate it....   
My emotions are surging up, tears are forming in my eyes again.

" L-let go..." I said coldly and he's only silent , indifferently looking at me.   
I turned my face to avoid him from realizing that I'm near to crying.

" Why... are you crying, Iruka?"

And a tear fell to my eyes together as he leaned close again and claimed my lips this time successfully.

" No---Mmmph--!"   
I protested but he never ceased and proceeded more to unbuttoning my clothes. I pushed him but he never budged.

Caressed.He rained kisses to my cheeks down to the neck. Intertwining tongues and kissing lips. And my tears never ceases from falling. My emotions weighed more than the pleasure.

" Kakashi.. n-no..."

His tongue trailed down to my chest, as his other hand is gently pulling down my pajamas.

_How can you turn deaf and blind from my tears..._

" Stop...s-top... touching me! "   
I screamed desperately and there, he was likely back to the world and stopped finally.

_How can you kiss and touch me after embracing someone else..._

He didn't say a word. His stern and blank expression is piercing me.   
I can't read him.   
He's changed---so am I.

I cluttered as I fixed my clothes that's almost stripped by him.   
And I felt his hand in my cheeks, he is wiping my tears with his thumb finger.

" ...What's the problem, Iruka.."   
He isn't asking but likely more demanding an explanation from me.

I evaded my face and with a scornful face looked at him.   
He didn't fazed at me.   
He's calm.

So instead of saying anything, I chose to get up and leave the room without saying a word.

I get my sweater and umbrella.   
It's almost dawn.

I went out, call a cab and directed to a friend's apartment.

I knocked several times until the door had opened.

It was Katoka, Kakashi's far relative. She's a close friend and we're closer than she's with Kakashi.

" Sorry for ...the intrusion.."   
I gently said and she just realized it's me that she stopped blinking, widened her eyes in surprise.

"Holy Stars! What are doing here Iruka?! It's still dawn?! It's so cold, think about your condition! "   
She screamed dramatically, she immediately let me in but as soon as I stepped in. I felt collapsing until my sight went black. 

"Oh my god!! Iruka! Heyy!!! Iruka!! "

I'm glad she knew it all...

..........................

**(** **TBC** **)**


	3. Chapter 3

_**KATOKA HATAKE** _   
  


After a hard work of properly laying Iruka in my bed. I took deep breathes and calm down.

I truly panicked after seeing Iruka collapsing. I was gonna cry but gladly, with little rationality left from aghast, I had checked his pulse and knew its still pulsing. It's not something to be happy about but I'm really glad so far that he just collapse from fatigue or something.

And it is not the first time that he's collapsed unto me. But everytime it happens, I felt more tormented from seeing a dear friend breaking down.

I know the reasons and even I want to change the situation but some things needed to be kept. I made a promise to Iruka to keep quiet about it and as his close friend, I tried my best to keep the promise.

I immediately dialed to call the doctor to report the situation.

I think this time, I'll keep this event too towards Iruka's family, it'll only cause them to worry so I decided to end my call with just Iruka's personal doctor.

I prepared a cold water and medicines for angina in case he said about hurting in the chest.

It's still late dawn, there's fog around from the nonstop rain last night and Iruka still made to be here.   
My temper boils from the thought that probably they had quarelled again.

That Kakashi...!

Damnit. I know he's a jerk, hooking up with girls, tormenting Iruka nonstop.   
I really want to slap his face!

He should just leave Iruka-----no.   
Iruka wouldn't be able to bear it...

So conflicting but,  
Kakashi was like his last straw.

" ...K-Kakashi ..."   
I flinched and turned to look at Iruka in the bed. He's sleep talking, calling out the name of my worthless cousin.   
I sat on the bed and wipe his sweating forehead.

I sighed from the thoughts.

" Eccentric. He's your hope but as well as the greatest reason of your anguish. "   
  


..........................................

After two hours,   
Iruka woke up and the first thing he said was,

" Katoka, did you told this to my family?? Tell me please you did not."

" Seriously? That's what you are concern after waking up!? Should you ask me if I built biceps from carrying you from the front door to here in the room? "   
I sneered and he flinched then hovered to the bed, apologizing.

" Goodness! I'm so sorry for the trouble Katoka! "

" Hahaha~Stop it, you know I'm kidding. Sit properly and eat this breakfast I especially made for you. "

He did then I put the tray in front of him.

" After that, take this medicine to relieve some stress for you. "   
I added until I saw Iruka is only gazing at the food.

Eh? Is something wrong-----NO. I'm a good cook. I've been cooking since elementary years, I've honed my skills definitely so why...

" H-He... "   
He uttered with trembling lips while holding the spoon, he's likely about to cry, making my heart throb for him.   
I frowned asking,

" W-what's wrong?"

" He didn't... cook for me e-ever since..."   
Iruka expressed smiling but his tears are rapidly escaping from his eyes.

I just realized the food that I cook for him, the plating and style of it had reminded him probably of Kakashi.   
Of course, because I'm the one who taught Kakashi how to cook before when we were in middle school.

That's the only bond I had with Kakashi and somehow, I saw that he's really a dedicated guy, willing to do anything to please the person he liked. His first love.   
  
  


_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_   
  


_" Please teach me how to cook,_ _Katoka-san_ _! "_

_Katoka cluttered from the shock,_

_" Hey! I'm in the middle of icing this cake! Look this part has gone off wrong because you surprised me! "_

_" I apologize! But please teach me how to cook after that!"_

_" Brat! Why would I teach you? Do you even know how to wash the cauldron? Some vegetables? And do you know how to separate an egg white and yellow??"_   
_Katoka_ _intimidatingly_ _expressed to discourage the brat that's asking for her time. She didn't want to directly turn down a request._

_" I don't know but I'm confident I'll learn how to if you teach me. "_   
_He persisted,_

_" Ha?! So when your father is cooking, you don't help him atleast from washing some utensils_ _for_ _cooking?"_

_" I didn't. He said, he would do it alone and he said too that wives should do it. "_

_" You_ _shouldn't_ _believe that wives or women are only able to cook. Brat, look at your father. Dont say to me that he's an exemption. Cooking isn't some gender role. In the future, you might end up not marrying and you'll live alone-----"_

_" No. I'm gonna be with someone else. And Iruka said he likes people that knows how to cook."_

_" Iruka?? As in that classmate of yours?"_

_" Y-Yes.... "_   
_Kakashi answered with a blushed._

_"_ _Ehhh_ _?! Isn't that a guy?? He's a boy right? "_   
_Katoka dramatically asked and Kakashi only nodded._   
  


_" Why? I mean, do you_ _l-like_ _him??"_

_" Yes. "_

_" As in romantically?"_

_" Yes."_

_" Seriously?"_

_" Seriously."_

_" You're aware... you're gay?"_

_Kakashi flinched but he sternly answered,_   
_"Yes. He's my first love ever since. "_   
  


_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_   
  
  


I was astonished how he bravely confessed that thing to me, his honesty got me so I did taught him to cook some begginer dishes from breakfast to dinner and later on , he progressed on his own. He must have come to love cooking too like I do.

I thought at first that Kakashi even though he declared, Iruka is his first love. I believed he's gonna find someone else to like but surprisingly. They remained with each other until college, Iruka and I became close because I help him in their thesis. Iruka told me that they finally became a couple accepted by both of their families and up til now as working adults while living in together. 

But things aren't permanent, indeed.   
  
  


..............................

**(TBC)**


	4. Chapter 4

(4)

_**IRUKA UMINO** _

" How are you feeling now?"   
Katoka asked with a worried face.   
I smiled assuring her,

" I'm all fine now, Katoka. Thanks for being always here for me."

Katoka ruffled my hair,   
" What are you thanking me for. Don't mention it, I'm your sister and bestfriend, must you not forget that, Iruka. "

She really is. I'm grateful for that.

" So what happened this time? "   
She suddenly asked while sitting beside the bed.   
I looked at her and she looked back sternly. I see resemblance with Kakashi and her.

I turned to look away.   
" Hmm?? What happened Iruka?"

" Well.... it is just the usual thing."   
I simplified.

" Kakashi hooking up with girls isn't a usual thing especially when he's in a relationship with you. "   
I sensed anger in Katoka's reply.

" E..err... I..----"

" Did you asked him? Did you two spatted? What did he say?"

" N-no. We didn't. "

" Goodness Iruka! Until when are you gonna keep quiet about it?!"   
I flinched as Katoka cluttered to sit straight in her seat.

" Oh--- I'm sorry. "   
Katoka blinked realizing she kind of scared me so she apologized while massaging her temple.

I drooped my head.   
And Katoka climbed to the bed to sit beside me.

" It hurts me that he's doing it but I'm afraid to condemn him... I'm a-fraid he'll le-leave ..me. "   
I rendered sobbing from explaining. Katoka immediately hugged me.

" No... please don't cry Iruka. It's hurting me too. Hush now... calm down..."

" W-what should I d-do...I felt like I can't go on without him.."

Why have I loved Kakashi this hard that I felt like I will be alone and empty if he's not with me...

" No.. Iruka... hush ..."   
I surrendered crying hard in Katoka's embrace. She's patting my back, comforting me nonstop.

" Iruka... listen, "   
Katoka separated from hugging me and face me directly with her almost crying face, she clamped my face with both hands then said,

" I know, you love Kakashi very much, you're shortening ...your time f-faster but realize that y-your world isn't revolving around him alone. Don't forget that I'm here for you and your family ..no matter what happens, ok??"   
  


"Y-Yes----ahcck ----"   
Suddenly, I felt difficulty in breathing.   
I'm hyperventilating. Katoka was shocked, she panicked and trembled asking me.

" Oh my God! I-Iruka?! W-What's happening? Are you hurt somewhere?! What should I do?!!"

I clenched my chest, I felt like drowning. The suppression now was harder than before. Katoka hurriedly hand me medicines and I took it.

" Iruka, breathe ok? Take a deep breathe. Everything's gonna be alright. Breathe slowly."

I can't seemed to hear Katoka properly. I felt fainting. My sight is getting blurry. The medicine was likely not taking effect.

..................................

" His stress has taken a big part on triggering his condition. Do you know what stress is he facing so we can likely measure things and give advices? "

" Well.... I don't think his work in publishing company is stressing him out but likely his personal problems. I'll try my best to coax him, Doc. "

" Is that so. And by the way, his family? Have you notified them?"

" Yes. I've explained to them already. They're on the way.."

I can hear voices talking but I can't seem to understand what they are talking about. Slowly, I opened my eyes. 

" He's awake."

I saw Katoka and the doctor. The ceiling and walls are white. This is a hospital room.

_So I fainted awhile..._

" Iruka. "   
Katoka called out, her face is worried and her eyes are swelled and red.

" I'm s-sorry."

" No. No Iruka... stop saying sorry... Oh, You know, your mom's on the way now."

" Is that so... "

And not for long as the door opened,   
Mom rushed to me with a crying face.

" Iruka !! "

" Mom..."

" Are you ...in pain s-somewhere honey,hmm?.."

" No. I'm fine."   
I assured her but she won't stop crying. And the doctor approached Mom.

"Mrs. Umino, your son's condition is worsening. The best option is to confine him. "

Will I recover from that?

" Is it really that worse Doc? "   
Mom asked then started crying again.

" I'd be honest with you but yes. And only little possibility that it'll lessen the pain he's experiencing. "

Ah yes, it'll lessen but I'll not recover...

Mom approached me and begged,   
" Honey.... please. The surgery is------"

" Mrs. Umino, I'm so sorry to tell you but this time, undergoing surgery isn't the option anymore. His body can't take it, the possibility that he'll survive is less than 10%. "  
The doctor calmly interrupted.

" Then what should we do Doc?! What should we do to save my son!??"  
Mom screamed almost thrashing, she has collared the Doctor. Katoka mediate hurriedly while I was stuck in my bed, feeling tired and paralyzed. I want to hugged my mom, comfort and coax her that I'm fine and that she needs to stop crying already.

" Auntie, please calm down.."   
Katoka expressed as she plead the Doctor to go out at the moment. 

" Mom... "   
I called out and she quickly approached and grabbed my hand.

" W-What is it honey??"

"Please calm down, stop crying Mom... I'm sorry.... for being stubborn up till now. "   
And Mom burst to tears more.

" No...stop saying like that, you're not. I love you, honey."

" I love you too, Mom..."   
And Mom leaned down to kiss my forehead.

" Mom, I'll accept the confinement but can I have a ...last wish?"

..................................

**(TBC)**   
A/N: why is this so sad.. :_;   
And btw, I'm setting this story as mature content* (like if your heart isn't still mature for some angst---I'll pray for youX'D ) but no, like srsly for the future chaps/entries. Stay tuneQwQ//


	5. Chapter 5

(5)

~~ _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Two years ago._

_Katoka visited Iruka in his apartment._

_" Where's Kakashi? "_

_" On his shift. "_   
_Iruka answered as he sat down in his bed._

_" Seriously?? When your ill and alone here? "_

_" Hahaha no, Katoka. You know, I had a hard time almost pushing him to the front door so that he'll go to work. He's really not leaving but I'm already almost fine. He's been absent from his work for three days and he'd asked his co-workers to save his shifts, he's been troubling other people and I can't allow him to look bad at his peers in his workplace any further. "_

_"Well~ that Kakashi, I know he's gonna prioritize you over everything. So how does it feel to be loved so much, Iruka??"_   
_Katoka teased and Iruka only smiled then replied._

_" Should you get yourself a partner already? "_

_" Nahhh~ it's not easy as picking flowers~ "_

_" Hahaha~ well-----*coughs* -*coughs*"_

_" Hey, are you okay, Iruka? You're coughing hard."_

_" Ah yes, I'm fine. It's just a cough----"_   
_Iruka was stopped from talking after looking at his hand which he used to cover his mouth from coughing._

_There's blood. He just coughed blood._   
_Katoka noticed the drained expression of Iruka after looking at his hand so she without hesitation, quickly grabbed Iruka's wrist to see what was Iruka looking at his hand._

_Terrified. Katoka's eyes widened from the shocked. She saw a mouthful of blood in Iruka's trembling hand._

_" W-What..."_

_Iruka's eyes blurred, he's about to cry from confusion and fear. It's the first time he coughed out some blood._

_Without further ado and they immediately went to the hospital for a check up._

_" Katoka... I'm afraid.."_

_" Calm down Iruka. It's a must that we have to check you up, ok? "_

_Meanwhile..._

_The doctor came out from the laboratory and lead Iruka to another room._

_" Are you the patient's relative? "_

_" Yes Doc, where's Iruka??"_

_" We have him transferred here to a patient's room because he's fallen asleep from nervousness during the examination. "_

_" Is that so, Doc. Then can I know the results from the check up?"_

_"The patient has Hypertrophic CardioMyopathy, it's a heart diesease. We found some irregularities in the muscles of his heart. "_

_" W-What? Are you sure Doc?? "_

_"Yes. We have it examine few times. "_

_" But it is the first time he fell ill this badly. Iruka is a healthy person."_

_" It is because this type of heart disease doesn't much show it's symptoms. The person may look fine outside but without its conscious, the heart is actually slowly weakening from its irregularities. This illness could have been there for years already, its just the symptoms are showing now. That's how the HCM works. He could have been experiencing some chest pain and arrythmia recently but with some relaxation and medicines it'll go away. He may thought that was just some slight pain caused by work and stress but that's already the HCM symptoms. "_

_Katoka covered his mouth from too much aghast and astonished. She was rendered speechless until the Doctor bid farewell and went out of the room._

_She approached Iruka who's sleeping soundly in the bed. She sat beside the bed with a sad countenance. She's been contemplating how to explain the results to Iruka._

_Iruka's eyes fluttered opened,_

_" ... So I'm dying.."_

_" Iruka! What are you saying!?!"_

_" I was awake the moment you two entered the room. "_

_" You h-heard.."_

_" Yes. "_

_" Katoka, please promise me that you'll never tell this to Kakashi..."_   
_Iruka added,_

_" But should he know? "_

_" N-No. I'm afraid. "_

_" Of what?? "_

_" Of everything. I can't bear to see nor know what will be his reaction. What if he decide to leave me? What if he conclude that since I'm in this condition... he'll realize that it's a waste to stay with me?.. "_

_" Aren't you taking lightly of Kakashi's feelings for you? He would never leave you Iruka! "_

_" I'm not sure about that, now that I'm close to dying! So p-please no. Don't tell Kakashi about this...please..."_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_   
  
  
  


I was so selfish.   
My insecurities made me decided from that time, I begged people out of my selfishness and conveniences.

I was so taken aback by my condition, I forgot everything even Kakashi's love for me. My fears had swallowed me and before I realized, I had utterly ruined our relationship. I don't know how to face or smile in front of Kakashi anymore with the fact that I'm hiding my condition from him. I'm lying to him. I turned out cold, he's been asking before on what was really bothering me---us. He knew something was wrong but I was so stubborn to open it up, I was blindly conquered with the possibility that Kakashi might leave me as well as...

Seeing him hurt that I've had this condition. It was like an insult. He took care of me ever since highschool, he spoiled me, showered me with all of his love. I know I have given him so little in return and if I tell him about it, I can't imagine what reaction would he bear. I don't want to share this burden with him...

I don't want to hurt him.

Ah, but what am I doing now?   
Nothing. I've got worse because I thought I could act natural in front of him but no. I was so stupid this whole time. I've been making everything this hard for Kakashi...

I gave him reasons to cheat on me.   
I gave him reasons to hurt me, sometimes I ...thought that ...dying is better. But even so, after all the quarrels, infidelities and silence... I still find myself waking up securely locked by a pair of arms----his sole existence that never once tried to leave me.

Why haven't I seen it?   
Why have I become so blind til now, forgetting that he's been here with me staying, apart from all the coldness I gave to him.   
Why ...so stupid Iruka..?!

I stopped from walking and immediately wipe my tears. I was on my way back home-----to him.

I don't want to cry anymore. I won't suppressed everything anymore.

Not too faraway from my sight but I see two people standing in front of my apartment. I'm walking closer and realized it's Kakashi and a woman, whom I don't know.

" I told you, stop coming here. "

" But you won't meet me again! "

" I really wont meet you again. I told you many times! "

" But ----"

" Go away. My partner could be here now. "

" Can you just ditch him!? Didn't you said he's been so cold to you?"

" Not for long, I believe."

" Really? Stop wasting time on people -----"   
  
  
  


"Can you shut your mouth and piss off? "   
And I pulled Kakashi to me, away from the woman.   
I measured look with the woman until she knitted her brows, clicked her tongue and walk away eventually.

.........................  
  


**(TBC)**


	6. Chapter 6

(6)

_**IRUKA UMINO** _   
  
  


It's twilight.   
I took off my grip on his arm and be the first one to enter inside.

I calmly took my time from taking off my boots as I go forth to the living room. I can't feel his presence following me.

I don't want to turn around and look at him, what if he got mad at me for acting like that in front of his woman...   
I felt like I screw up big time.   
This is what I am afraid the most, I'm giving him more reasons to leave me that's why I turned a blind eye from those things up til now----bit what's more to be afraid now? What's more to lose? Nothing.

And as curiosity is really something that's hard to control so I bravely turn around and found out, he's likely stoned at the front door,   
he didn't move an inch since then?

Until our eyes met, quickly I look away. 

" Iruka. "   
He called out but I pretended not to hear it and directly went to the bedroom and settle down my bag.

" Iruka... just now.."   
He spoke from me behind.

" W-What..."

" Won't you face me?"

I keep silent until he suddenly grabbed my arm turning me to him.

His face is frowning and somewhat looks worried.

" Awhile... "

" What? Ah, did I perhaps bother the both of-------"

" No. That's not it! It's... i-it is just that, it's the first time that you've did something like that.... are you j-jealous or -----"

" You think I'm glad seeing you screwing with someone else?!! "

" N-No.... I.. I am s-sorry.. I meant to----"

" Damn you Kakashi! "   
I roared to him as I was about to pass him but he pulled me. Hugged me tightly, preventing me from leaving.

" Let go! I hate you! "   
I struggled and screamed but he only tightened his hold onto me.

" I love you, Iruka.."   
He suddenly replied as he claimed my lips. I was surprised, I forgot to struggle. He's gently kissing my lips, slowly parting my mouth as his tongue entered and explore every inch inside, I was gradually getting swayed.

And not for long as I succumbed to him. I kissed back lovingly and hugged him tightly back.   
It felt years from now...

I felt his hand touching me all over as he started stripping me off my clothes.

" K-Kakashi. ..nnhghh.. "   
I called out in between my uncontrollable moans. He left my lips and rained me sweet little kisses from my cheeks, chin and lastly to my forehead.

" Iruka... hah...I--Iruka... c-can we do it...now?"   
Kakashi in between his aroused countenance uttered straight to my eyes.

I kissed him again then whispered fanning my breathe into his ears,

" Did I aroused you too much? "

" More than you'll ever know, Iruka. I want you right now, I-I'm going insane... "   
He whispered burrying his heated face on my neck.   
He's clearly hanging on his last thread of sanity. I hugged him assuringly.

" Then make love to me all night 'till dawn..."   
I replied as I felt he flinched and his ears turn red more, I reached it and gave it a gentle bite.

And with that,he hurriedly lift me up and gently put me down to the bed.

" You'd better not take back what you said, Iruka. "   
He said with his husky voice and ragged breathing from lust , he quickly took off his clothes then without further do, get on top of me.   
  


............................  
  


The entanglement of both bodies like there's nothing essential in the current universe but the two souls which embraced all the securities and whatnot at all.

Resigning moans and breathless kisses. The unending sending of electricity towards each other are beyond stimulating and intoxicating than any other wine the world could ever produce.

Euphoria's sweetest form of taste is binding each other's selves out of self-resignation over each other's warmth.

To be love and be loved in return was like the serendipity which not all loving souls are granted and if they are, it's time which will turn shorten as compensation.

" Iruka.... --Iruka... "

" Y-Yes..more.. K-Kakashi...nhhgh..."   
Between heavy pants answered,

" I love you..Iruka. "

"....."

" I love you.... I love you, I never once stop loving------"

" I can hear you, Kakashi. Focus on me more as I do with you. "

"I'm so happy Iruka. I felt like ....you've come back to me. "

And that gave a great pang to my heart. I buried myself on his chest and let my tears swam together with the pleasure...

_I love you too, Kakashi..._   
_I'll always do._   
  


**\-----------------------------**

**(TBC)**

A/N: Yamero... I'm --> :___; <\3


	7. Chapter 7

(7)

Eyes fluttered open. I looked at the wall clock and found it's almost 5 am.

I remembered I've closed my eyes at 3 am after we did it. I felt a little regret after provoking him, I felt like my back and hips broke.

So I only get to sleep for more than an hour. I'm thirsty. I want to get up but Kakashi has locked me up in his arms. He truly loves cuddling and hugging, keeping someone in his arms tight. I felt more lucky from that thought, I reached his face and gave him a light kiss on his cheek and his brows somewhat moved. I smiled from his reaction.

But now... how am I able to tell him?

I've made up my mind already after agreeing to the confinement.

But can I really say it?

I can't waver now. I shouldn't be so weak. I should be strong enough to fend him off. I know Kakashi very well, he is one of the most calm person but as well as stubborn even than me, I'd say.

And I slowly but carefully slip off from his hold so I wouldn't wake him up but,

" Iruka..? "   
He called out with closed eyes.

" Nothing. Sleep tight Kakashi. "   
I coaxed and kissed his forehead then get up. I'm glad he get back to sleep.

I went to the kitchen and took an aspirin for chest pain. I sighed afterwards thinking no matter what and how many medicines I took it still doesn't gonna change my situation.

My mind wandered from the times where we have talked about our future, our dreams of growing old together. How I had wish to be always with him. To support and cherish each other no matter how high and low we get.

I wish for Kakashi to be fine and happy when I'm gone.

..........................

Meanwhile...

I had prepared some belongings I needed the most after I showered.

I slipped a little postcard on the vase in the table of our bedroom.

Kakashi is still asleep so I find it convenient to end everything through a simple and concise letter.   
This is easier as I don't need to explain myself, I'm afraid if ever I get to say it straight to his face, my real emotions would betray me.

After thoroughly checking and preparing. I've decided and ready to go away from Kakashi--------forever.

But before that, I went first to our bedroom to cherish one glimpse of the man I love the most.

But as I was about to pull the doorknob, it suddenly was pulled into the opposite direction. It was opened before I could do it and the thing I'm afraid the most is to see Kakashi wide awake and myself in front of him gonna say the cruelest thing that I know will gonna hurt me more than this condition I've been enduring.

His eyes blinked for seconds until his eyes swept from my head to toe.

" Where are you going, Iruka? "

And I felt like I was choked, I don't know what to utter and before I knew it, my eyes tear up in front him leaving him in surprise and confusion.

" Iruka? What's wrong?"

" Kakashi, I'm breaking up with you. "   
I said straight to his eyes and his jaw dropped. I didn't waste time in facing him and immediately turned to leave.

" Iruka? W-What are you saying??"

" You heard it clearly. "   
I said with empty emotions, strengthening my will not to breakdown.

He quickly approached and grabbed me by the arm, his face is so perplexed he's lost for words.

" What do you mean by that Iruka?! "

" I am breaking up with you, Kakashi. That's all. What can you not understand with those words?! Let me go!" I calmly uttered putting weight on each words I threw.

"What the hell are you saying all of a sudden in this early morning!?! We made love all night....aren't we happy?!"   
He screamed out of frustration, I can see his eyes are forming tears giving more unbearable pang in my heart.   
I struggled my arm to escape from his grasp and quietly directed myself to the sofa where I put my bag.

" N-No... Iruka.. p-please .."   
His voice broke, begging me.   
My tears never cease from falling as well. How I wish to take off all of my senses and be numb and ignore his pleas but no, Kakashi should go on and continue his life----without me.

" Iruka, p-please don't do this. I'm s-sorry for everything... on my mistakes. Please give me another chance to make it up. I swear to love you in this lifetime, Iruka.. don't go.."

"N-No. I can't forgive you Kakashi..! "   
And he hugged me from behind preventing me from moving and going.

" I'm sorry! I'm sorry.. please Iruka don't do this to me... I --I love you!"   
He pleaded in between his tears.

" ...I don't love you anymore!-------"

" But why are you crying?"

" This... this is because..."   
Twisted tongue. Lost on my own words as he interrupted me,

" It's because you don't want this r-right?? Tell me Iruka.. tell me what's the problem.. we are gonna face and overcome this together so... p-lease-----"

The slapping sound resonated in the air.

" What are you babbling about?! I told you enough, I'm breaking up with you! I can't put up with you anymore! I d-don't love you, that's all! "

I screamed those to his face after giving him a slap right in his cheek to stop him from pleading.

Indeed. I was the worst of the worst.

I could praise myself for spouting those miserable words as well as stabbing my own heart of a knife at the same time.   
He was utterly stunned with eyes red and wide, tears which never intended to cease from flowing. To hurt him is the most painful thing I could have done in this life.

I hardened what will I have and turn around again and this time for real to leave him------this home which we both shared lots of warmth and memorable things.

I faltered walking right to the door. Until then as I reached outside, I again sobbed like it'll be the last day of everything. I clenched my chest, I tried hard to calm down myself but it is only making my surpressed emotions surged up to its highest extent. It is beyond painful.

I took steps but truthfully, my heart wants to turn around or simply stop and wait for him to chase and prevent me from leaving him completely.

I can hardly breathe to the point of collapsing and until then as I felt a hand which grabbed me suddenly for an embrace.

In his chest, I cried and stubbornly struggle for an escape,

" N-No...! Please just let me go Kakashi... I don't love you anymore! I told you----! "   
And time likely froze together as he shut me up with a kiss.   
  
  


  
" I love you.... I love you, Iruka... "   
He chanted like a spell, holding me close.

" S-Shut up! Why can't you understand?! We're over Kakashi! We.are.over!! "

Flinched. I felt his hold onto me loosen and not for long...

As it completely wavered and fell, giving me the unwanted freedom, the undeniable sign of letting me go-------out of his life.

**\------------------------**

**(TBC)** :_;


	8. Chapter 8

(8)

_**HATAKE KATOKA** _

It's been five days since Iruka had decided to accept the confinement at the hospital but before that, he requested to go out first saying he'll fix some things at his apartment. And I know what he really meant by that, it hurts me thinking that Iruka is gonna go to Kakashi and end everything between them, I know that he would likely do that more than anything. Iruka is too kind, I know he'd rather die in silent than let Kakashi knew his secret. He would rather have Kakashi move on from him and continue his life... alone or with someone new.

I sighed from the thoughts. I drooped my head in my table. I hate that I can't do anything. Iruka had me promised him too not to tell Kakashi----but God knows how I want Kakashi to know! I don't want... I dont want Iruka to be ... alone in these crucial moments...

I scratched my head and hair from frustration, I want to cry but I'm too worn out already. I look at the window and realized it's still raining heavily.

I took my sweater and doubled my clothes. Until my phone rang and looked at the registered number calling. It was Iruka's mother, I was alarmed at once and immediately answered. 

" : Hello, Mrs. Umino? "   
" : Katoka? "   
" :Yes, it's me. Is there a problem, Mrs. Umino?"   
" : Will you please get Kakashi here in front of our house? I'm convinced he has been standing there last night and it's raining since morning. "   
": Oh my God! Is that so---"   
" : Yes please Katoka. And I felt bad I didn't let him in but Iruka had told me not to let him know. I already told him Iruka isnt here, I thought he'll be gone immediately but he's standing still. "   
" : Yes, I'm on my way, laters Mrs. Umino. "

And I rushed to get my keys and went out.   
It's freeezingly cold from the instilling rain since morning and now it's late afternoon already.

I drove for 15 minutes until I arrived at Iruka's house and immediately I spotted Kakashi standing in front of the gate.   
I went out of the car with an umbrella and ran to Kakashi.

He was utterly soaked. He's trembling all over and seemed to froze any minute. His eyes were bloodshot. His cheeks and lips are turning purple and cracked.   
I felt crying again from looking at his wasted position. He didn't even bother turning to look at me. He was stubborn looking in front of the house, hoping Iruka would peek at the door or window and come to him-------but no. Iruka isn't even here!

" Kakashi?? Let's get you in the car, hmmm??"   
I coaxed and he isn't answering so I immediately dragged him to the car, fortunately he didn't struggle. He is utterly an ice.

I wrapped him with a towel and until then as he spoke,

" Would you please... take me to Iruka...? "   
His eyes glisten, his tone was so wasted, I trembled I really wanted to drive him straight to the hospital where Iruka is now.

" I.... don't know where is Iruka. "   
  


..............................

In my apartment.

I had Kakashi sat in the sofa. He's silent. He looked almost half alive.

I lied to him, crushing his feelings more. I don't have the right to comfort him and even if I want to, I still literally can't find the right words. 

I'm hurting too but I know both of them are hurting the most.

" Kakashi..? "

" I'm.... sorry... "   
Astonished. I flinched as Kakashi suddenly apologized, his head drooped and his shoulders trembled, he is probably crying.

" If only.... I didnt acted like a jerk! If only... I didn't..do those-----"   
Kakashi, with his broke voice expressed his sorrow, he's frustratingly pulling on his hair, I stopped him.

" Hussh....hushh Kakashi.. "

" I'm.... such an asshole! I purposely cheated on Iruka because I---I want him to get jealous, get mad at me.... get his attention... if only I didn't acted like that perhaps he'd stay with me until now... I'm sorry..."

" Hush.. Kakashi... c-calm down... "

" But I love Iruka... I can't go on without him... what should I do..."   
Kakashi in between crying, vented his emotions in my shoulder as I hugged him, making him realize that he's not alone... 

" Katoka.... please tell me where Iruka is..."   
And I flinhed from what he had suddenly said. I unconsciously faltered, I stood up in panicked,

" You know Kakashi, first of all you should take a shower because you've been soaked by the rain all day. Hurry now or you'll catch a cold------ what are you doing....!!-!? "   
I was stopped from panicking as Kakashi suddenly kneeled in front of me.

_No! You can't be doing that----!_

I hurriedly pulled Kakashi to stand up but he won't budge an inch.

" Please... I beg you... Please... Katoka.."

" No Kakashi! Don't make this hard for me !!"

" Then tell me where is Iruka! "

" I don't know! I told you already. "

" Liar! I know you're just not telling me! "

" I really don't know! "

" Please.... Katoka... "   
And he started shedding tears again.  
Making my will to crumble.   
But I really just can't...

" I told you Kakashi. I don't know. "   
I resigned firmly as his looks got more disappointed.

He suddenly get up and walk passed me.

" Where are you going Kakashi?!"   
" I'm gonna find Iruka alone."

" What?! It's raining like hell outside! Are you insane?!"

" Yes! I'm insane! I'm going to lose it if I can't see Iruka!!!"

I froze and let him continue from leaving until he suddenly look at the table.

And reached with his hands some papers------those papers are....

My eyes widened almost bulging out.

He can't see that!   
Those are medical records and reports of Iruka's condition.

I hurriedly approached him but too late as he said,

" What... are these... -----medical records ...of Iruka.. ?"

**\------------------------------**

**(TBC)**

**_A/N: I like a " frustrated Kakashi" so_ ** **_yepX'D_ **


	9. Chapter 9

* * *

(9)

**Omniscient POV**   
  
  
  


A defeaning silence enclosed the four-walled living room of Katoka's apartment. She was tongue tied in front of the overwhelming contempt of Kakashi's expression.

Katoka was stoned, she was lost for reasons. No matter what alibi she go with and she will still fail for sure. Deep in her heart, she knew she had kept her promise to Iruka but this unfortunate turn of events just gave away all of her efforts.

Kakashi not waiting further for an answer then scanned the documents but he seemed can't comprehend properly the papers.

" Results of check ups... labaratory test... medicines.. this is so unfamiliar and there seems to be lots."  
Kakashi expressed in confusion as Katoka was still in her drained expression.

" Tell me.. just what is this? Is Iruka ...ill?"

" The t-thing is... "   
Katoka in her sorry state stammered, contemplating still for the right words to say until Kakashi had it enough and exclaimed at her in aghast,

" JUST WHAT THE HELL IS REALLY GOING ON WITH IRUKA?!!"

" Iruka has a heart disease! " 

Both astounded. As Katoka burst as well, Kakashi was more dumbfounded by her statement. Kakashi felt cold more than he had felt from the rain awhile, he wanted to ask again if he heard it right but the possibility that what he heard was really true is beyond frightening.

" N-no.. heart disease..? Did I heard it right..."   
Kakashi murmured as Katoka only care to sob helplessly on her knees to the floor.

" Is it really true.. Katoka?"

" He had me promised him not to tell you.. but damnit! look now...!"

" W-When...?"

" It's been years already, Kakashi you prick! You should know something was wrong when he starts acting strange! But all you do is give more pain to him! "   
Katoka didn't meant to condemned Kakashi but her surpressed emotions are flowing visible.

Like Iruka. She, although knew the situation between them still keep quiet and just see Iruka get hurt further but now that the one thing she had promised to Iruka was broken... she'd rather let Kakashi knew everything and how she wants to slap into Kakashi's face the pain Iruka had suffered from being with him as a jerk.

Aghast. Kakashi was speechless from the revelation.   
He was overwhelmed by the fact that it's been years that Iruka has been suffering with something he was just keeping it all alone while sleeping in the same sheets underneathe beside him. Kakashi's mind took him back to the times where Iruka would look away or turn around rather than meeting his demanding eyes for an explanation.   
Kakashi contemplated and he knew well that it was 'coldness' which reigned in Iruka's eyes before, but was it really coldness? or simply insecurities of the fact because he is hiding something.   
Kakashi was unsure but only of the possibility that perhaps Iruka's feelings for him are gradually fading even though he's trying his best to work out everything for them...

And so Kakashi as well, has his own insecurities. He was too driven by negativity, in spinning circles why Iruka is acting strange and even though he asked what's the problem...   
Iruka would only likely change or dodge the topic.

Eventually. Both of them just made mistakes by not meaning it.

"Why... does he have to keep it from me.. I can't understand.."

" Should you ask him that... not me. "   
Katoka after calming down answered Kakashi. And until then as Kakashi realized what she meant by that.

**\----------------------------**

**(TBC) :___;**


	10. Chapter 10

(10)

Fine and windy morning.   
Flowers fully bloomed designed trailing beside the pavement directing to the entrance of the Hospital.

Kakashi was beyond glad Katoka drove him to this hospital where Iruka was confined. Katoka explained to him Iruka's condition more properly and evey words are like strings snapping on his wholesome.   
Kakashi was walking almost in daze from anxiety. He bore a weary countenance as he as well hardly had a sleep last night.

Whenever he thought of the fact that the love of his life is dying. It's more than enough for him to breakdown.

Until he felt a tap on his back.

"Hey... Stop spacing up. Act strong.. okay? "   
Katoka expressed with a lame smile.

" I'd like to thank you for being there for Iruka up til now.. . "   
Kakashi suddenly expressed earning him a surprised look from Katoka.

" What are you sayin'?! Iruka is my bestfriend and... he is my cousin's most beloved person so I felt obliged! "   
Katoka cheerfully replied while tapping Kakashi's shoulder. Somehow that really give Kakashi a lifting feeling.

They walked right to the Cardiac Care Unit, until to the designated room of Iruka. A doctor and a couple of nurses just went out.   
Katoka hurried and anxiously approached the doctor.

" Doc? Did something happen with the patient??"

Kakashi followed ahead as he felt a sense of fear creeping out on himself.

The doctor calmly replied but undeniably its tone was really distinguishable of despondence.

" After the resuscitation, he's rendered comatose. It'll take hours or a day before he woke up. And the latest result in his condition is already in 'HCM- end stage'. I hope you'll always be by his side because we'll never know for the next actuate of his condition..."

Katoka never held back her tears as she covered her mouth while Kakashi looked as if void of emotions, was only silent until he slowly walk, entering the room.

Serenity. The room was blindly white with faded curtains hanged in the small closed window.   
Amidst, lie a bed with its patient with a table beside.

Kakashi with trembling feet slowly approach the lying-in-tranquility Iruka in the bed with a nasal cannula attached on him.

Trying hard in settling beside the bed. Kakashi painfully look at the pale face of Iruka, his heart weighed heavy. He doesn't know what to say or do, he's scared to touch Iruka, he felt like even a single strand of his hair may trigger something frightening towards Iruka's condition And so he could only choke his cries in his throat.   
  
  
  


.................................

Another windy day.   
Kakashi strolled outside the hospital as his exercise. He felt sore just from staying and sitting inside the hospital so he had decided to atleast do a five minutes walk until he reach the rear part of the Hospital where he found out an ocean, boundaries of wireworks. Kakashi realized why the hospital let out an airy ambiance

_So it's because this Hospital is in seaside._

After lifting his spirit, he went back to the room and sat beside the unconscious Iruka in the bed. He's been waiting and praying in diligence for two days--------for Iruka to finally woke up already.

Kakashi caressed Iruka's serene face.

" I ...miss you Iruka.. I want to see your eyes looking at me, your voice calling my name. I'm willing to give up everything... so will you please w-wake up... already? "   
Uttered by a broken voice, Kakashi's tears flowed nonstop as he chanted his words like an oath.

And promptly, like a miracle.   
Iruka's eyes slowly fluttered until it open while Kakashi's head was drooped to the side of the bed, crying relentlessly.

Iruka although with a faint sight immediately recognized the resplendent white hair drooped beside him and so he used his hand to reach and caress it.

Kakashi immediately raised his head after feeling the hand which landed on his head. And what welcome his sight was the realization of his prayers. Iruka is awake.

" Is that you... Kakashi? "   
A weak smile painted in Iruka's countenance, barely reaching Kakashi's downcast face which was utterly shocked.

" Is this another..dream?"

" W-What are you s-saying Iruka? It's me.. this is real. I'm here. "

And until as Iruka blinked a couple of times and reduced to a hopeless face.

" W-Why are you here... "

" Because I want to take you home Iruka.."   
Kakashi replied as Iruka wipe his tears.

" I'm sorry Kakashi... I'm too afraid to tell you this... "

" It hurts me that you've chosen to keep everything over telling me Iruka... and because of that, together with my insecurities I only caused you more agony... I'm an asshole for hurting you for the past years. I'm sorry Iruka... please give me another chance.."

" All those things doesn't matter now Kakashi... I realized I love you so much I want you to be the last one I'll see..."   
Kakashi reached Iruka's forehead and kissed it gently.

" I'll stay with you, Iruka. "

" Thank you Kakashi. "

And for hours as both of them talk about everything and anything. Cherishing every minutes as they didn't know when it'll last.

" I'm willing to give you my heart Iruka. "

" What are you saying? Haven't you given it already the first time you confessed to me..hmm Kakashi? "

" Yes... but I meant literally.. and if you dont want then I'd gave it away because if ... -------if you're gonna disappear, I'd like to go with you.. "

" Don't be silly, Kakashi. I want to see you achieve higher heights in this lifetime. "

" But I'm not strong enough Iruka! You know that. "

And Iruka simply smiled then changed the topic.

" Kakashi ... I want fresh air.. would you take me outside? Let's sneak out hmm??"

" Fresh air... ah, there's ocean at the rear of this hospital but its-------"

" There. Let's go.." 

.......................................

Sitting and cuddling in the folding chair they brought. The breeze caressed their wholesome.

" I ...hope the sun hurries in setting down. "   
Iruka, being tightly embraced by Kakashi from the back expressed.

" It's not like it'll hurry even if you complain. "

" I want to see the sunset... please hurry.... "

And Kakashi kissed Iruka's hair as Iruka barely grabbed Kakashi's arms tightly locked on him.

" Kakashi...?"

" Hmm..? "

" Say something?"

" I love you.."

" Nah.. I know. Tell me something new.."

" W-What should I say...new..?"

" Then sing for me?"

'' W-What? You know I can't sing Iruka.."

" Please...? I want to hear your voice while waiting for the sunset... "

" But... ----"

" Please Kakashi... I really want to hear your voice.. now I felt sleepy, I might dose off and missed the sunset. "

"Is t-that so, but you better listen and never dose off.."  
Kakashi gently replied as he embraced Iruka leaning on him. 

_" When I look into your eyes_

_It's like watching the night sky_

_Or a beautiful sunrise_

_Well there's so much they hold..."_

" Iruka?"   
Kakashi stopped singing and asked,

" Hmm..? What? Continue it. I love your voice. Please Kakashi ..."   
Iruka replied smiling as he looked to to the almost setting sun in the horizon.

_"And just like them old stars_

_I see that you've come so far_

_To be right where you are_

_How old is your soul?..."_

Kakashi barely sang the song as he never stops caressing Iruka's hands, he eventually intertwined them with his. And felt Iruka's hand responding on holding too...

" _Well, I won't give up on us_

_Even if the skies get rough_

_I'm g-iving you all my l-love_

_I'm ...still looking u-up.... s--still..._ _l-looking_ _up ..---------"_

" Iruka.... l-look... it's the s-sunset in the horizon... "

" H-hey... it ..is the one y-you are waiting for.. you need to s-see it.. "

" Iruka... please..? "

" Didn't y-ou want to see it..? It's the most beautiful so p-please open your eyes a-again... Iruka.... "

Fooling himself. Kakashi asked again and again together as his tears never ceases to fall.   
Even though, he cannot feel Iruka's breathing anymore and his hand fell down on his hold--------Kakashi still never stops on asking and calling out his name.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**END.**

**\--------------------------------**

**A/N: thank yuu for reading this** **AU** **Kakairu fanfic TwT// this got me sad thoughX'D**


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